Thursday, June 28, 2007


i started the week crying. which is not so bad coz i think i really needed it. i was praying before... i asked God... if the next check-up gives me a bad result, then i'll go ahead with the transplant. when i got my blood test results, i texted my mom right away. i told her i will be getting ready.

i pity my mom. she's been through a lot with me. what with problems with my marriage, my kids, and now my health. i couldn't help but cry... and cry... and drain my tears on that day. this would have been easier if i have a husband by my side. this would have been a lot more bearable if someone loves me... cares for me... asks me how i am... or if i already ate... if i took my medicines...

well, now i'm back to taking steroids... i'm gonna bloat again... look like Shrek again... wah!!! My doctor felt like i need stronger medications coz i'm not getting the transplant done in the immediate future.

We're currently getting our finances in order... i have undergone tissue typing... the results are not yet in, though. From there, we can start finding a donor/match. 4 cylinders of blood were taken... i almost fainted when i saw how big the needle was. it's good that the medtech was good.

i also had my teeth treated. I should have one of them extracted, but my dentist doesn't want to do it coz my blood pressure went up. well, that happens when you treat a person who's actually scared of dentists, and was under the blinding light for four hours already.
i have to come back again to finish everything... i have to do it coz i couldn't after the operation. i need to have a medical clearance from my doctor first before the dentist will agree to extract the tooth.

2 days ago, my nephew, Vhon, was admitted to a hospital for what seems like a kidney infection. his face got all bloated, and he urinated something tea-colored. hay!!! it was a very stressful event.. my mom was crying again... and i had to be the strong one all over again... my previous worries about myself has to take a step backward.

well, the doctors said his creatinine levels are ok.. his ultrasound is normal... the problem now is, they can't arrest the high blood pressure.

today, my mom and i went to the office of Congresswoman Susana of QC, to ask for financial help for my kidney transplant. The good congresswoman obliged and i was asked to come back tomorrow to pick up a guarantee letter to be given to PGH. I dunno yet how much it was for, though.

After that, i went to a salon to get my hair cut. I didn't hear my fone ring. When i opened my fone, i saw 8 missed calls from my mom, and a very disturbing text. it said that her name was Kim, and i had to pick up my kid at Dominga street because of an emergency.
I was a little hysterical while i called the number.

My daughter Anea's left foot was run over by a school service driven by a lady driver. When i got there, it looks like a scene of a crime. It was a little scary. Though when i saw my daughter Anea laughing and that her foot wasn't really that hurt, i gave a sigh of relief.

After xrays, she was asked to go home with only pain killers which she is not taking at all coz she's insisting that it doesn't hurt. She wants to come to school tomorrow still. Hay... capital P for Pasaway!

I have cancelled a date with Bes today. And she's currently enjoying a milkshake! wah!!!
anyway, tomorrow is another day... the week isn't finished... i still have a lot to do... hepa profiles, vaccines, finish my dental appointment, find a donor!!! and most of all, pick 6 lucky numbers for the lottery! haha! what a week... really!

Monday, June 11, 2007

you and me

i wrote this... just now, i wrote this... this... i dunno what to call it. jeez, i think i'm high on something... and of the many pills i'm taking, i dunno which one i'm high on.

3 guesses on whom this is for... coz i'm sure as *bleep* have no idea.

see? i'm definitely high. either that, or i'm PMS-ing.

"Cause it's you and me and all other people
With nothing to do,
nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you"

i dream.

my only medium of finding happiness, of looking into its eyes, and gazing into its depths... remembering every word typed, every smiley ever thought that could convey current emotions... being dazzled by a set of white teeth that i rarely see, because a smile was rarely given... being befuddled by the wisdom that comes from a kindred spirit who has chosen to forget that i existed... but accordingly, it was known, that my presence is in its very heart often.

now, the days of dreaming has begun again... thoughts of what-ifs and crazy days up South, sleeping in the back of a cold, long vehicle... my head resting on my dream's shoulder, waiting never to wake up. waiting never to breathe. as if by breathing, my dream world will shatter and i'll find myself in tatters and in pieces, and impossible to regain consciousness... waiting and wanting... to be molded in the curve of my dream's arms, mindful of every heartbeat, every breath, every sigh, and every tingle.

tonight, i shall dream once again. to travel within my soul. to trap happiness in a bottle, and drink it when i'm awake, barren, and empty.

i shall go where i can swim without drowning, drive without knowing how, and breathe without ever having to stop.

i shall go tonight. will you meet me there?

if you are going to meet me in my dreams, make sure you bring coffee.